Memories of Iva Della Robinson (as told by family members and transcribed by granddaughter LaDell)
By Loweta Robinson VanDusen (oldest daughter of Iva Della)
The first time that I remember something with my mother was when we were living west of Jennings or Hallet. Some lady was there in the living room and someone had written on the wall behind the stove. Mom said that I did it and I had to clean it off. I know that I didn’t do it and was so embarrassed. Anyway that taught me a wonderful lesson even at that age not to ever blame anyone of doing something unless you were absolutely sure. That has been a good lesson for when I was raising my boys and even to grown-ups. Sometimes we think we know what we are talking about and we don’t.
I never remember my mother hugging us, and I never liked her very well (when I was growing up). She ruled with a stick or a belt.
I had to stay in the house and cook the evening meal and felt rather lonely over it. Everyone was out but me. I never milked a cow or worked in the field.
I am only six years older than Carney. Anyway, she took Hazel and went over to Grandpa’s-He lived over there on that farm with a stone house, about two or three miles away. The wind was so strong and the house was only three rooms and that house shook and I was so frightened that I woke Carney up. Now he was only a baby sleeping in the buggy. I don’t know what I thought it would do to wake him, but I wanted company. Well, after he awoke all he would do was cry. Then I could not get him to stop. I rocked the buggy but it did no good. After he was a bit older, he cried a lot and mom would whip him and he always came to me and I couldn’t help him or mom would whip me. He probably hurt. He had ruptured appendix at the age of three. Anyway, I was well occupied trying to get him to stop crying. Naturally I did not tell that I awoke him.
One thing about Mom was that she took anyone who was ever sick to the doctor and also cared for them. One time we were in the barn – the milking portion – in the old bar that burned down. We were not supposed to be there. Josie Mullenax was there. It was a Sunday and we often had company on Sunday until church time. We climbed up the milk stalls and would holding on to the rafters and hand walk to the other side and would jump down. Well, mom called us and since we were not suppose to be there, I jumped down so fast that I hit my head and shoulder so hard that I knocked myself out. I remember mom carrying me to the house. I came to when we were almost to the house. I did not get into trouble over it. That’s probably when I hurt my back to start all of the arthritis.
Lots of things happened that are not interesting. Anyway, Mom worked very hard. She always had meals on time and good food. I know that no one liked it when I cooked. Mom didn’t show us how. I only knew what to do by watching her but it was a little of this and that. My little of this or that was not the same as hers.
We carried water from the well to wash. We had a big pot outside that a fire was started under to get the water hot. Some very dirty things were boiled in it, I think (hard to remember). It was a long hard day for her. Our help was minimal. She kept us clean. We had very few dresses but we didn’t know the difference until we were older. She sewed along with everything else.
She worked hard in the garden. We always had enough to eat because she saw to it. We canned enough vegetables and fruit if there were any that year to have for every day. Fruits and vegetables were always on the table along with meat. We canned the chicken that was too much to eat at the time and even other meat because there was not other ways to keep the meat. There was no place in town to take it to a locker when I was growing up.
I didn’t understand my mother until I was much older, even after I had my children. I guess I was a hard head. Anyway, I talked to my pastor about it once, about honoring someone that you had bad feelings about. He explained to me that you honor a parent in others ways – by being a good citizen and caring for others, etc.
One time we came out and I had a rather new Ford. We had lots of trouble with oil getting into the brakes. We were going home. Bob, Barbara and myself were going to Ohio and we were taking her there. When we got in Tulsa, we had to have our car brakes worked on. We went to Aunt Ethels (mom’s sister). We talked about things. She helped me to understand lots of things. She said that Mom treated us as she was treated. She said mom knew nothing else. She told me about taking the boys to the field, working all day. Every day she put a clean shirt on the boys – probably she was carrying me at the time.
One time Carmaleta Fuss said that we always had food and lots of it while other people did not. I wanted to badly to tell her, yes, we had food, because mom worked hard and made a garden and the women she talked about didn’t do it (make a garden). It wasn’t given to us.
I was glad that I finally understood mom. Then I did not feel so bad. In fact, I don’t know how she didn’t kill us. I never, never could have done what she did. Two was enough for me and I had things much better. In the beginning, I did not have lots of things but still better than her.
She was very strong. One time Hazel and I were there. I don’t know why but she didn’t want me to lift the tub of water that had to be moved because of my back. She picked up this tub by herself and emptied it. I saw her lift those heavy tables and put up for our dinners by herself.
I was glad that I got to spend time with mom after I moved out here in 1978. I use to go up at least once a month. We would talk about everything at night. I felt free to go because Frances was here and Stanley did not have to be alone and it gave me time away. Frances was not as easy to live with as mom was. She always considered me an old farm girl as if something was wrong with that. I was never ashamed of being one. I had a good moral raising by my parents. When I was out away from home, I always thought what my family would think if I did this or that. We all had love for one another. If there were little things that I did not like, I would never say anything to friends because they would tell it differently than it really was. I always stood up for my family.
Mom was a good example except the hugging and loving and finally I understood that. She told me about moving from Arkansas to Oklahoma at a cold Christmas time. Just so many things about the family.
Mom was actually easy to live with. In fact, she was very good for Stanley. He always thought well of her. The Bakers, Dora, and Hazel always kidded him about giving mom her coffee and since she did not like it hot, he always got an ice cube for her. She loved her ice cream. I was able to buy an ice cream with no sugar at Skaggs at that time. It was quite expensive but worth every penny because she got her dessert and it was just as good as other ice cream. She never butted in. When she came out to watch TV, which we encouraged, she would sit in her chair and Stan and I would have ours. He would always see that she had what she liked on the TV. She loved football.
Mom did not get to enjoy children until she had her great grandchildren. You figure when I came home to visit, Dora was only 9 years older than Bob. She still had a family at home. More kids, my goodness. There would be no way she could enjoy more children. Roy Lee is only nine months younger than her own baby is.
She really enjoyed my Ben (grandson) when he came to visit. He took to her right away and she loved that. They had a good time together. God intended for her to live as long as she did or she would have never gotten away with giving herself extra insulin so she could eat sweets when we had our dinners. Of course, I know that she had a bad problem twice which Wilbur and Leon sure won’t forget.
All her falls and she never broke a bone. It was amazing. She fell here once and her hip hurt so Dr. Smeckpepper X-rayed her back and hip. The doctor was so surprised that Mom had so little arthritis in her spine, etc. Much less than most people of her age. That was one good thing. She had only bruised herself slightly.
When I got married and moved to Philadelphia, mom said, “Always have enough money to come home on”. I never thought about her being so perceptive. She did not know, or I, what really might happen. She wanted me to be prepared.
Mom learned from us girls when we went out and learned how to do things differently. We would do it at home and she did too. You figure just little farm people would not know how the outside world was.
Mom hated housework but when she worked, she was very fast and efficient. She could walk circles around me. I am not exactly slow but never could accomplish what she could.
Another thing about mom was that she always kept her head held high. Lots of people when they get older will start to lean over. You may get a little stooped but you can still keep your head up. Some will do it for attention from their children, I have noticed. Sometimes when I have felt so bad that I would go down the hall and fell myself lean over, I think right away that Mom never did that and, by golly, I am not going to either!
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